Never Coming Down
Until recently I’d been perpetually high for most of my life. I say ‘high’, but in reality, I started pretty low. So low in fact that I had a penchant for suicide. Not merely depression, or dark thoughts, but the whole hog, right up to the point that I had to be talked down from the edge of Beachy Head.
I love somebody, that’s my saving grace or fatal flaw, depending on how you look at it. Without the one person in my life that helps makes sense of this wretched world, I’d certainly be dead by now. I came here out of love, I found my soul mate, and I remain here for her sake. We’ve talked about it many times, and there’s no way to avoid it. She had to return one more time, to accomplish some sense of fulfilment, and of course, to witness the collapse of an empire and the beginning of another epoch.
There are those like us out here who follow a spiritual path, a transcendental career, and one that spans many lifetimes and everywhere in between. For this time and place is not ours, but merely another destination, selected as part of a long-term study, into the causes of the collapse of human consciousness. I won’t get into the details now, but as some have guessed, we live in a zoo, We interlopers inhabit the last remains of a species so unique, that during our research into the human race, we return here time and time again.
I am what you might call a stowaway, I’ve had more than my fill of this place, I’ve lived for thousands of years in different lives, and seen this world raised from the ground and reduced to rubble. I dream so many dreams of different times and dimensions, and all of them lead here, to this hive of activity, paranoia, and fear.
Here’s a clue, for some of you, with more open minds who might suspect that there’s more to Earth’s story than meets the eye. You’ll find that in general, the authorities, your current subjugators give little time nor credence to outlandish ideas, unless that is, they gain traction. Then the chemistry of society completely changes; at first, those few outsiders with a very different perspective on life, are ridiculed. Should their numbers continue to grow, they’ll be lampooned and ridiculed by the media. If somehow, they eventually become a force to be reckoned with, one way or another, it means all-out civil war.
Why not let those with the least to lose, bypass your territorial agreements, and let them travel to the South Pole, and see what they can find? Revoke their citizenship to every country but leave them with enough supplies to see through the year. Warm clothes and footwear, a ship of some description, and just let them go where they will, beyond this arena of limited perception, this cage of dreams, towards the hinterlands of madness, where no government may claim.
Should they die, few would miss them, for they aren’t refugees or victims of a bloody war, but simply freaks, like me. The people who don’t agree with the wholehearted argument, preferring knowledge be laid out in binary symmetry.
They are the ones that ridicule outsiders, encouraged by the strangers they call friends, bullies brought together by the kismet of an artificial algorithm designed to control minds through social subjugation. The people who think they have all the answers, the ones who argue with a phone in their hand, scouring through data as if they’re actually thinking for themselves.
They mark the end of humanity; the finish line for the human race is almost in sight. If one’s experience is always received and shared, one has no individual memory to call one’s own. To be but a part of the sum, and not the sum of the parts, this is most certainly the future of life and the modern world.
It is no longer organic, despite fads for natural diets and protests against dangerous fertiliser products. It is artificial to the core, powered by concern and driven by its contrary, looping loops around intellectual derivatives to camouflage its designed intention. It’s housed safely deep beneath the Earth, safe from the prying eyes that it pries upon, magnetically polarised and environmentally controlled, so that no matter what it will outlive us all. It is the heart of darkness, pumping lifeblood into dead cities, populated by empty shells of hollow lives, working numbers and trading avatars, hoping to find meaning before they die.
I could tell from a very early age that I wasn’t going to have a good time here on Earth. School only made things worse, and despite being a naturally gregarious person, there would come the point when I’d shut down and lose touch. The same went for college and every work situation I have ever encountered.
As my head clears by the day, I realise what I’ve been running from, something almost tangible hidden in my mind. I live in a constant state of high alert, and in my gut, I feel like something ominous is coming just over the horizon. I’ve spent years worrying for the world at large, let alone myself, and I know that in my heart of hearts, it’s more than a mere mental aberration. I feel it in my bones, and however much I seek the knowledge of the future, eventually I come across an impenetrable wall.
There have been times when I have made progress and transformed the barrier into a thick, grey fog, I’ve even heard sounds from time to time, but I guess that it’s all for my own self-protection, whatever I know, few humans could bear and carry on living.
Whatever I know but will not let myself acknowledge, has haunted me ever since I can remember, the feeling that something’s wrong on such a large scale. A constant sense of foreboding, a world-weary familiarity from such an early age, a knowledge beyond my own efforts, a wealth of experience born from dimensional drift, all the signs I have tried to ignore, so I can hang on to this life.
I am broken inside. I did it to myself, I wanted to leave because knowing is unbearable. But I’m staying, purely as an exercise in self-discipline. To prove to myself that the spirit is stronger than the body, that the mind can only wield so much control over unfolding events, and the value in experiencing existence, however repetitive, outweighs the notion of being right.
There is an eloquence to a madness that achieves such nobility, and it surpasses the scepticism of the sane. There is a truth, however outlandish, that must be revealed before one’s death, and it is not common knowledge, for it will undermine everything that you value. Facts are societal beliefs, proven for the sake of advantage, disseminated in order to dominate the zeitgeist, to steer philosophy back into the physical realm.
The world is coming undone, and as more and more of us leave, we are replaced by something else, something ancient and rooted, embedded deep in the cultural psyche. Whatever this underlying force may be, it will not take kindly to the myriad of curious inflexions and trivial obsessions that engage the current population. The teachers are leaving, and the students are running riot, but soon there will be bars on the windows and doors, and the schools will become prisons.
Live as much as you can for today, for tomorrow there may be no more life to share, merely subsistence of the mind and body, and linguistic exchange for economic gain. The artificial mirror is open for business, and the vain and inglorious are at the front of the queue, for these are the soulless and greedy, and they have nothing to lose. The future is bright for the world is on fire, the phoenix that rises will die in an instant, and all that will remain are curators for the past. They’ll mourn for what was taken, and despise what is left, the pittance of humanity that has all but forsaken its own spirit.
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